Goodbye seems to be the hardest word

I talked to my friend J the other day. He is trying to get up here for a visit and a fishing trip with my husband. Every time he packs up to leave he has a crisis to deal with concerning his father. His mother died of cancer a while back and his dad is a widow and now a drunk. A BAAAAD drunk. J is constantly bailing him out of one scrape or the other. It takes his energy away from his own family not to mention his sanity.
I mean it's YOUR PARENTS. You want them to be well. You want them to have a good life and enjoy what time on earth they have here with you and YOUR children. You want that piece of your history represented to your children and you want that feeling of "home" that only a close relative can bring you no matter where you live.
Unfortunately we don't always get what we want or deserve.
Unfortunately we can't heal wounds that occurred inside their souls long before we were born and make our parents whole. And normal. Or at the very least FUNCTIONING.
I tried FOR FREAKING YEARS with my mother. I tried up until I got married and pregnant and she tried to destroy that.
I finally had to tell her that as long as she was NOT taking her bi-polar medicine and as long as she continued to abuse prescription pain killers and not get help then there was nothing more for us to say. For me to just take whatever she dished out and "look the other way" at the cause of it would have been more evil and unacceptable to me then to just cut her off...hope she got the message..and cleaned up her act for the sake of HER FAMILY. Me and MY CHILDREN.
But people only see that I am at fault. That I GAVE UP ON HER. Not the truth. That she gave up on herself and me and her grandchildren and any chance of happiness because PILLS were more important to her.
I truly believe that if my cousins had not continued to provide her with support and money, if they had not pretended that her main issues did not exist, then she would have been alone and thought to herself. .."THIS SUCKS. MAYBE IF I GET HELP AND STOP BEING A DRUGGED OUT ASSHOLE my family will forgive me my mistakes and I will have a life again".
She never did that. She never had to.
J's dad isn't either. He finally had to cut him loose. I told him not to do it unless he was okay (as much as you can be) with the thought of a Sheriff calling you one day and telling you they have found his body. That you've made your peace with the fact that others in your family will not agree with you and you will be an asshole in their minds for ever more.
He said "R...I am. I can't do this anymore. I can't put my wife and kids through this crap. Nothing I've done for the past 6 years has gotten him any closer to sobriety. The money time and attention I've given to his addiction (which at this point has become an indulgence. When you refuse to get help, people offer to pay for it, and all you have to do is SHOW UP and YOU DON'T...your indulging your weakness at THE EXPENSE of LOTS of other people who love and care for you. And that's just BULLSHIT) I should be directing at getting my kids off on the right foot."
Amen.
Sad..but sometimes you just have to let go and in doing so let grown ass people take responsibility for their OWN lives.